you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
