I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
