I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
