just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
