I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
