we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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