I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
