My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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