Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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