dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
