idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well you can't waste a boner
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
