I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
