Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you will always have a special place in my vag
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
