Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
