My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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