The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
