For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
