I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
