i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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