decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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