Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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