About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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