My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
