I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
