yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
