I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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