I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
