you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize