ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
