You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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