If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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