I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
