i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
