I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
