so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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