Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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