who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
