Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
