eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
