Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
