Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
