All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
