after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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