How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
