Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
