You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
