sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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