I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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