1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and she was petting her beer can
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
