Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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