drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
