my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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