That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
