uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
