waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
