What a fucking waste of an outfit
where am i from again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
