Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
