What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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