you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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