he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize