I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
