Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
