Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
