I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
